Good Friday

In the Christian world, today is Good Friday. Sometimes I wonder who came up with that name. I think about the people who stood at the foot of the cross of the Savior Jesus Christ. They probably didn't feel like it was a very good day.
Of course, the Good News of that Friday was that Sunday was coming.

If you are subscribed to our email then you would have heard the news about our baby boy Henry Merrill. 
You might recall this post where I wrote about our second daughter Elodie.  Nine months after Elodie's birth and death I was once again pregnant. We were hopeful and nervous about this third little baby who was coming to our family. Would he or she be perfectly healthy like his oldest sister Emily? Or would he too have Meckel Gruber Syndrome like his sister Elodie?

On September 13 I went in for a doctor's appointment when I was about 17 weeks pregnant. My doctor tried to do an ultrasound, but found there was no amniotic fluid around the baby. I don't know if you've ever seen an ultrasound image of a baby with no amniotic fluid, but it is impossible to see anything. The lack of fluid suggested that this baby had a problem with his or her kidneys, one of the symptoms of Meckel Gruber Syndrome. I went to see a specialist where it was confirmed that this baby had Meckel Gruber Syndrome as well. We did a blood test to find out the baby's gender and found out we were going to have a little boy, our little Henry.

After losing a child once, the second time around feels even darker and harder somehow. You've already had to do this once, how can you possibly do it again? I spent many nights praying and begging God to please please please save my baby.

Henry made his debut into the world a little earlier than planned. At 31 weeks I started bleeding. At 33 weeks I went into labor on my own. Henry was born on January 2, 2022 at 6:13 PM. He lived for 3 hours and 13 minutes. In this life he was able to meet his parents, his oldest sister, and his two grandmothers. He was sweet, tiny, and so handsome. As he passed I knew his sister Elodie was there to greet him and welcome him to the Spirit World.

Henry's time on this earth was so brief. Unlike Elodie we didn't get to bring him home and take family photos. My mom took that one at the top of all of us after his birth. I can't fully explain to you the depths of my heartache at losing him too, and now having two sweet babies waiting for me in the Spirit World. As we have explained on here before, we believe that families can be, and in fact are meant to be, eternal, and that death is not the end. Although I do truly have faith that I will see my children again someday, that doesn't mean I walk through this life without thinking about them and missing them every single day. They have impacted my life in so many ways. I love them so deeply and I'm so grateful to be their mother. Sometimes though, sometimes I feel like living each day without all of your children alive and healthy is the circle of hell that Dante was afraid to go to.

On this Good Friday I reflect back to those standing at the foot of the cross of Jesus Christ. Looking up at their Savior, the Promised Messiah as He hung, nailed to a tree, suffering for us all. How dark it must have felt for those who loved Him. Although there were countless scriptures prophesying of His coming, of His death AND resurrection, there was so much they couldn't understand. What they could understand was that it was painful to watch someone whom they loved so deeply be crucified despite the fact that He was innocent of any wrong doing.

I feel that Good Friday sorrow deeply. Christ understood perfectly their suffering. Yet, despite the fact that He was perfectly capable of doing so, He did not get down from where He hung. He knew what He must do, and why.

Christ has given us all the promise that our Good Fridays will end. The sun will go down, and long will be the night. But Sunday is coming. On Good Friday I invite you all to look forward to the promise of that glorious Sunday. Holding Elodie and Henry as they slipped from this world to the next was both deeply painful and spiritual. Painful because I don't want to be parted from my sweet children. Spiritual because I know what Christ has promised me.

Thanks to my Savior who stayed on that cross, Sunday came. He overcame death and sorrow and gives me the promise that one day I will see Elodie and Henry again. They will live. They are my children to raise. On that joyous day I know that I will never have to say good-bye to them, or anyone else I love, ever again.

​So you see, this is a Good Friday.